Storytime 3

On Tuesday night, I accompanied my aunt, her two gay bests, and this random dude named joe, also gay, whom I later deducted (no one ever explained why he was tagging along) was one of my aunt's students from a 1-semester course she taught at Furman university and now lived in new york?---anyway, I accompanied this gaggle to a new musical called "What's That Smell?" Incidentally, the show was a complete and utter delight. Funny funny funny funny.

But this is neither here nor there.

AFTER the show, over margaritas and quesidillas in Chelsea, we were all chatting, and the "where do you live?" question was directed my way. I told them. They were impressed. I tried to downplay. It didn't really work. You know the drill.

Needless to say, I was relieved when joe interrupted with "you know there was a period of 3 months when I had a pretty fancy address." He continued with what I now relate as STORYTIME3 (duhn duhn duhhhhhn):

Apparently, joe picked up and moved from (what I guess was) Spartanburg, SC, to the big city with no real plan: no job, no friends, and no apartment. What he did have was a car and had been spending nights there while he tried to figure out wtf to do with himself. So one day, while brainstorming on a bench in Central Park, a woman sat down next to him. She was holding a turtle.

At this point joe foot-noted: "Yall, I LOVE turtles. Oh my gosh, I have just, like, always loved turtles, yall. One time I had these turtles, and my mom threw them out the window, and I was like...ugh, well whatever. anyway..."

So joe told the woman how much he loved turtles. One thing led to another and pretty soon they were making out! Jk, Jk. Pretty soon they were doing the get-to-know-you question game. It didn't take long before the "where do you live" question was directed joe's way. He explained to turtle-woman how he actually didn't have anywhere to live. In fact, he told her, he was sitting on this very bench for the very purpose of trying to think of what to do about it!

Joe told us that at this point, the turtle-woman pointed to a building right on the park and asked: "Would you like to live there?"

And joe was like, "are there turtles?"

JK JK

And joe was like, "...yessss..."

And turtle-twinkle-toes goes "Well, my family and I are leaving for the summer, and it's just gonna be sitting there empty. Why don't you stay there while we're gone? Now, I hope it's not too big for you. It has four bedrooms. But it also has just the most gorgeous view of central park. What do you think?"

And that's how joejoe landed a parkside, 4 bedroom apartment on 5th avenue.

WHAT??

Another margarita, please.