(And if there weren't three no's, I would still think you were crazy to even SUGGEST we get a puppy with hair. At all. Find a bald puppy and we can talk. Via this blog. Hair=SPARE me. )
I'll tell you why.
1) Puppies give us diseases (do you really need any more scares, Amy?).
2) Puppies bite you because they are teething and it HURTS.
3) What do we do when we move? Cut the puppy up into four equal pieces? (I call the middle portion).
4) Puppy rhymes with Guppy and I think you ALL know how I feel about that Flounder asshole from The Little Mermaid.
5) We already have a perfectly good acronym. Really give some thought to just throwing in another letter. Realllly think.
6) Puppies Die.
7) We can get money, moola, funds, CASH to walk other people's puppies. How much MONEY will we get for walking our own?
8) What do we do if the puppy takes sick? Having an MD on this blog does NOT mean we have a veterinarian. I shutter to think what he would do to our puppy (sorry, Doc...I don't trust you with small things).
9) Puppies can help us pick up boys? What happens when we get said boy home? And the boy is in our bed? Where the puppy thinks he belongs? Gross.
10) Is there really enough extra room in the Refrigerator for another being's personal food items?
11) What if the puppy learns how to climb stairs and open doors and he falls off the roof? Will he go to hell? Who are we to decide if he chose to fall?
12) The building doesn't allow puppies (obviously my weakest argument, but I wanted to end on a nice, even number. Like 12).
Why don't you get yourself a plant.
Or a baby tiger.
Something reasonable.
A puppy. HA.
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