MAYBE NOT YES, NO?

1) Today, I interviewed at a crazy rich woman's UES townhouse for a position as her personal assistant - the pay is unbelievable. A maid holding a platter of pomegranates and cheese let me in, and sent me looking for her, alone. It took me a full ten minutes to find her, and when I did, she screamed. But that's because I had stumbled into her bathroom, where she was tending to what looked like some fresh cosmetic surgery - pouty lips and all. Was that not awkward? Ah!

2) I also interviewed at The New Yorker, where they really seemed to like me, I think. But then to my dismay, one interviewer asked, essentially, if I had a sense of humor. She even asked for proof - she wanted my favorite TV shows. So I said something about Reno 911 and the revival of SNL. But she wanted more! So I listed Arrested Development (which is no longer on), Curb Your Enthusiasm (which I rarely watch), and then, the killer, WEEDS. Weeds? Now, was that not inappropriate?

But in the end, I ask, does any of it even matter? Maybe not, maybe yes, maybe so, I don't know. Fuck it. Who wants to work?

everyone gets sick sometimes

For many months now, I have found daily comfort in the man who stands atop Washington Square Park screaming the time (ok, he's actually on the east side, so it's really not the "top" per se, but whatever)--without fail, he is constantly reminding me of how many minutes I have until the start of class. Some might call him crazy...I call him reliable... 

"Oh jeez, I'm going to be late," I think... "SIX MINUTES, SIIIIIIIIX MINUTES! GET YOUR ID's READY!" he screams. "phew, phew phew, I'm fiiiine," I am comforted. 

today, however: silence. oh, he was there, alright, but he had LOST HIS VOICE. not to worry though-- appropriate hand signals were made, assuring my timely arrival to class. 

the point is, kids, everybody gets sick. even the superheroes of the world.... 

the second point is, don't take things for granted, like the man in the park. 

and with that... I HAVE RETURNED TO THE BLOG.

A Little Consideration

Another Weekly List of Things to Consider:

1) Girl Talk : perfection :: Cold Rinse : explosion

2) Caroline can be easily rendered immobile by feeding her weed.

And 3) The universe is currently expanding. In time, it will reverse and implode. Our bodies will disintegrate, but our minds may live on. (That last part is a working hypothesis I've developed that even other theories of metaphysics and also the Human Consciousness Project support in full.)

So then, see you in 10,000 AD!

A Day of Rest

It is 5:45.  Pm.  

I am still in my pajamas, still in my bed. 

I'm sick, fuckaz. 

Don't judge. 

Yeldah. 

For Your Consideration

A Weekly List of Things To Consider:

1) Last night, I encountered a group of individuals speaking words of marijuana-induced wisdom, and they agreed that one should, at all times, portray what they termed "obvious stardom."

2) In an unrelated incident, amongst a group of completely sober individuals, I agreed that trees may actually mean to talk to us. Please consider the implications.

And 3) You are here because your parents had sex. Ewie!

A Catered Affair (hopefully)...

As many of you may know, I cater to bring in the extra monies.  As you also may know, I hate it.  I think it is a soul-stealing job made for people without personality or self-worth, both of which I have an abundance of.  The only positive thing about my (lame) "job" is that lots of money goes into my bank account a week and a half after I work a shift.  But lately, they haven't been handing out the jobs too liberally.  So when I was called today and asked to work on Saturday, I thought, "I better take advantage of this".  Now, I have noticed that the automated man who tells me my assignments is always WRONG.  He tells me my shift will be over usually an hour or two before it really is.  Do you know how hard it is to stand with one arm tucked neatly behind your back for roughly 8 hours at a time?  Never getting to sit down? 

Well.  For some reason that I cannot presently identify, I just volunteered to work a shift from 2 o'clock on Saturday until "midnight".  Which really means 2am Sunday morning.  I offered to work for twelve straight hours.  Fortunately (and maybe this is the reason I agreed), the event is in Westcester and is PPX (code for VIP--secret service and shit).  All I have to say is this bitch better be FAMOUS.  I mean.  Martha Stewart or Ina Garten famous.  I am hoping to make connections and get hired so I can quit my current job and get the devil to give me my soul back.  

Wish me luck, companions.  I may not come out of this one alive.  I hope you have a WONDERFUL weekend.  If you get some free time, just stand up at attention for an hour or two and maybe then you can empathize with my misfortune. 

Sincerely, 

Second butler on the left

A Summary of Last Night

NOTABLE QUOTES:

"I love this song!"

"Mike's a great DJ!"

"Don't you love this song?"

"Who doesn't love this song?"

"I love McCallan!"

"Where is everyone?"


MMM:

When Amy's friends came and made it Amy's party.


MEM:

When I got high and died.


MOMENT THAT NEVER HAPPENED:

When the Jell-O stain disappeared.


MOMENT THAT ALMOST HAPPENED:

When Nic kissed Mike!


BEST DRESSED:

Chris Sherman's Mom.


PARTY FAVORITE:

Chris Sherman's Mom


MVP:

Chris Sherman's Mom.

Me feel sicky...

Did anyone else get sick after our all-night talk sesh?  Or is the post-brunch illness just something that befalls me alone? The sickness part of our wonderful brunch tradition seriously needs to end.

I had to miss class today. I hate missing class. Really.  

Why am I writing this on the blog?  Partly it is my attempt to induce sympathy and visits, but mostly it's my boredom.  I have watched all the online entertainment I can take.

No porn, don't worry.  But I did watch Sophie's Choice--great. great. movie.

Okay. This is the worst post ever.  But hopefully it works in getting your sympathy, and possibly your attendance to my (and Mike's) election party tomorrow, instead of those other stupid ones that you say you're attending (aahhhemmm Ames and Hads).   And I swear, I'm not contagious.  

So see you tomorrow?

K bye.  Love you all.  

p.s. the real reason I missed class today was because I refused to change my clock yesterday.  I demand a redo of this year's daylight savings time.  

Do You Think I Care?

about your haircut, doc?

Guess what:

I do.


FULL REPORT PLEASE