Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow...

Dear friends and readers (do we have one single reader who isn't one of us?),

I am sad to announce here on the blog that PHD is no longer. After two full days of packing, ditching, cleaning, and selling, the gathering spot of our youth is empty. I thought about posting some favorite memories from PHD, but instead I would like to share with those of you who weren't there some of the final PHD memories.

Ellen and I literally cleaned PHD for 24 hours (totally gunning for those pangs of sympathy and guilt you must all be feeling after reading that). Being the strategic gals we are, we scheduled a garage sale to raise funds for cleaning supplies and also eliminate the inevitable amounts of clutter accumulated by four girls in two years. The sale was set for the first few hours of our cleaning project.

Our first customer was unforgettable.

1) A small, old, asian man came to PHD and it will never be the same. After scoping out all of the clearly marked "FOR SALE" items laid out in the living room in a beautiful flow-conducive pattern, our friend wasn't satiated. He wasn't finding the "custom jewelry" and "electronics" he came for. Then, as we walked him toward the front door, he made a bee-line for the kitchen. He opened the cabinets and seemed captivated by the ten year old rices and pastas Ellen has carted around most of her adult life. He swiftly began stockpiling desirable items--in the middle of the living room where the sale was actually taking place. It looked like he was on "Shop Til You Drop". As Ellen and I watched in masked horror/hysterics, he added a few items from our bookshelf that weren't for sale (Broadway's best Love Songs, Amy's old Opera sheet music, A bottle of vermouth) and asked us "how much for all this?". Seeing as this was our first potential sale and he has amassed about 18 items that weren't even on sale, I tried him out with $20. Nope. After much haggling, I stepped out of the situation and Ellen secured $7.

2) Apparently the guys moving into out apartment are HOT. So says Katie, who informs me on garage sale day that she met them and they want to buy the dining room chairs. Well OF COURSE!!! Sure!! Email them and see how much they can pay!! After no word for 24 hours, I decide to call, as the chairs aren't selling at the big sale. On Sunday afternoon at around 2 O'Clock PM, I had a speakerphone conversation with four completely inebriated boys who not only called me "Hardly" for ten minutes, but who also spent the bulk of our conversation time talking to each other and forgetting I was there. Needless to say, I couldn't procure any money, and was forced to sell the chairs to THIS GUY...

3) Coincidentally?, another asian. He calls me and expresses interest. I give him chair measurements (all dining room chairs are uniformly 18" high). I tell him the price that is on my ad that he read. He low-balls me because "there are a lot of chairs on sale right now". His words. He asks if there are any stains on the chairs. I say no. He asks again, because apparently he went to pick up a couch yesterday that he was told had to stains, only to find an enormously stained couch. I accept his ridiculous price because time is running out. He is two hours late. He calls and says he is sorry he is late, he had to buy some wine. One hour later he arrives with asian girlfriend in tow. He sits in chair. He asks for me to hold his tape measure (indicating table height) in front of him sitting in chair. Girlfriend gives this a try. I am still holding tape measure. This simulation isn't sufficient. He asks me to find something in the apartment "this" high. I find something 6 inches short. He brings over chair. He asks me to find "some books or something" to put on top that corrects the incongruity. Katie and Steve (both present, thank GOD) find a box of cereal and a text book to stack. He likes it. Girlfriend gives it a try. He asks to use my internet. SOLD.

4) On garage Sale Day, Ellen and I realized we hadn't eaten. So we ordered a giant Bravo pizza, half plain half Pep (as Schwayman says) and we sat down in the middle of several unsold items. We heard a knock at the door, shouted "Come in!", and didn't offer to move ourselves or the pizza as our latecomer perused the PHDelights scattered around us.

5) Ellen and I found a cache of beer in our fridge (I won't divulge what condition the fridge was in before I cleaned it...and don't you dare ask ellen about that stove). We had thrown away our bottle opener, so we opened beer with a hammer all night.

6) We made a combined 10 hour playlist.

7) We accidentally threw away several of Katie's personal items. She dug through the trash for some, and for the others we are just plain sorry. We owe Katie a pair of shorts and a new razor, among other things.

8) Ellen was convinced she could sell her crutches (I bet her dinner she couldn't), and though she won't receive any money, her new craigslist friend Steve is coming to pick them up and donate them to Africa tomorrow morning.

9) During the first hour of cleaning, Ellen and I heard noises coming from Mychal's old room, and discovered a puppy.

10) Somebody LOVED our purple TV stand (it is BEAUTIFUL, Amy) and PAID MONEY for it.

11) We received endless comments about how great our apartment is. And it was very difficult to explain why we would ever want to leave.

That's a small taste of all that occurred. I truly wish each and every one of you could have been there to say goodbye. Great. Now I'm crying.

H