Everything I need to know, I've learned from living in Springboro, OH.

First off- I suppose I should apologize for not having written sooner. My only excuse is that I've been distracted by everything the great town of Springboro has to offer (some of which you will hear about later in this post). I HAVE been reading, though, and have been thoroughly entertained. Posting just isn't my cup of tea. Like E L, I am intimidated. I haven't written for fear of being called lame in comparison to my fellow blog writers. I thought I was off the hook, because anytime Yeldah Knorc has badgered me about my lack of blog posts, I've been quick to point out that I'm not the only one who is MIA.  "Hell-Kat hasn't written yet either!", I would remind her. This worked remarkably well until yesterday, when Yeldah informed me that Hell-Kate posted a little over an hour ago. 

So here I am. 

I would like to share with you some of the insight and wisdom I've gained from my 10 weeks of  living here in Springboro. You won't find Springboro on a map (trust me, I tried). It's between Dayton and Cincinnati, just in case you were wondering. And the lessons I have learned here, I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Enjoy.

Helpful Piece of Insight # 1: People lie.

On La Comedia's website, you will find their clever, catchy motto: "La Comedia: a taste of Broadway." On the first day, the technical director of the theatre told us that "if it happens on broadway, it happens here at the La Comedia." This is bullshit. My bet is that on Broadway, Annie wouldn't slip on a piece of BUTTER and fall flat on her ass at the end of act 1. I bet the man who yelled "THANKS, OBAMA" at the end of "Hooverville," a song making fun of president Herbert Hoover, would have gotten kicked out. Or how about when an entire piece of set ran over my foot, causing me to rush to Urgent Care to get xrays and wake up the next morning with a bruise the size of a frisbee on my foot? Does that happen on Broadway? Lies, I tell you.

Helpful Piece of Insight # 2: I take New York City for granted.

Since I've been here, we have done SO MUCH fun stuff- laser tag, baseball games, trashy bars, theme parks, water parks, outdoor concerts, roller skating nights. I actually started pouting when we we started our last week here, because I'd have to "get back to reality" in NYC. Then I realized that I was being ridiculous. If I would just seek out fun things to do in New York like we did here (mainly because our only other option was to sit in our rooms all day), I would never feel like New York is overwhelming or a burden. So guys- let's find new, fun things to do when I get back. Restaurants, bars, activities, neighborhoods we don't usually visit- there is SO much to take advantage of (ALMOST as much as here in Springboro). 

Helpful Piece of Insight # 3: Dayton is NOT a big city.

Helpful Piece of Insight # 4: Honesty sucks. You should lie to everyone. Refer to # 1.

I decided to walk in the theatre wearing sweatpants and no makeup one day. Immediately upon entering, one of the stupid little girls I share a dressing room with says sarcastically, "Wow, Mychal- you look awesome." I brush it off and head upstairs when one of the locals in the show, Charlie, a 60 something year old man who left his wife in his 40's to be Blanchard, his "black partner", yelled, "Mychal, come here for a second!" When I walked over to him, Charlie looked me up and down and said "Hmm. I don't know if it's the buffet or what, but you've gained a few pounds." I'm sure I turned white, because he then recovered by adding, "No! It looks sexy on you! I love it!" When I finally make it to the dressing room, another little girl tells me I look tired, and asked if I got enough sleep. WTF?

Helpful Piece of Insight # 5: Southern comfort and coke might or might not be the best alcoholic beverage ever. 

Helpful Piece of Insight # 6: Children are stupid.

One night, as I walked down the aisle to make my entrance as star-to-be wearing a khaki trench coat and a funny hat, a child yelled, "Look, mom- there's Mary Poppins!" 

Helpful Piece of Insight # 7: When looking to invest in a piece of real estate, immediately cut out anything that is located directly next door to Mcdonalds.

Helpful Piece of Insight # 8: RAID Ant killer doesn't work. 

This morning, I woke up with an ant CRAWLING ACROSS MY PILLOW. This has gone TOO far.

Helpful Piece of Insight # 9: When I am old, I will participate in Bingo Nights, not live theatre.

There is an man in our show, Ernie, who is gross and old and has a huge birthmark across his right cheek. In our 2nd week of rehearsal, Ernie added me on Facebook (why are old people on Facebook?) and proceeded to whisper in my ear the next morning, "thanks for giving me something great to dream about last night." Gross. Ernie also forgets his lines on stage. Constantly. Instead of making something up or just standing in silence and letting someone else pick up the cue, Ernie mumbles something that no one can understand. 8 times a week at the top of the show, when Grace enters, Ernie is supposed to say "Good afternoon, miss Ferrell." Ernie forgets Grace's name about 30% of the time, and says, "Good afternoon, miss Fhfushsdfjhse." Ernie also tries to touch my ass every day in during "Hooverville."

Helpful Piece of Insight # 10: People in Springboro like to take advantage of the "Missed Connections" section of Craigslist. 

Our Rooster has gotten a shout out by a man wondering if his moves are as good in private as they are on stage. And then during tech week, I went to Mcdonalds every morning early to get breakfast (hold your judgement, please). Sure enough, at the end of the week, the girl who plays Grace found a posting on Craigslist for a girl who was ordering early Tuesday morning at the Mcdonalds in Springboro (there is only one). The subject? "Wish I could have ordered on of you to go."

Helpful Piece of Insight #11: I need every one of you back in my life. I love you all and miss you so much!

Enough said.