I forgot?/MEALPLAN

So I've been sitting at work with nothing to do for...mmm, I'm going to go with an hour, and with building frustration, I almost said aloud, "what else should I surf on the internet," which is when I realized what I had done.

I've ignored you, and I'm sorry. The problem is, though, I have no lists, no top-tens, because I spend my days working-watching lost (!!!!)-sleeping-repeat. AND, since the cafe is indefinitely A-BUST (don't get me started), I fear this will be the beginning of my future. ugh.

so instead, I'll just let you all know that TODAY I GOT A MEAL PLAN! you have no idea how happy this makes me. After weeks of Amy's frozen burritos for lunch everyday (I bet you didn't know that Amy has been making me burritos, freezing them and sending them to me everyday--did ya, did ya?), our meal allowances have finally been enacted, with people ready-and-waiting to make me salads! pasta! sandwiches! smoothies! potatoes-au-gratin! It's like college, but different!

On another note, if any of you aren't busy, and have an interest in catching some tennis, the qualifiers are free and open to the public all this week! and you could come see me! wouldn't that be fun?

alright, i must go. someone might need me. probably not, but you never know...

Stories from the Bronx, yo!

Here's the thing...

blogging intimidates me.

i feel like i can only write something if i have something really either important or funny to write. But no matter what I write, I fear I'll always be lame compared to my fellow bloggers.

I guess I'll share a few of my favorite stories from the Bronx. That's somethign to blog about, right? Remind the rest of you (who have moved away from or plan to move away from the city) what you are missing.

Here was my summer.

1) I was hired as the drama instructor to a 300 kid day camp at a middle school in the Bronx and directed a musical version of "Aladdin."

2) I was the only white person on staff or in camp and the youngest instructor. My nickname became "white legs" (a nickname made by the girl who on the first day stood up in my class, snapped her fingers in my faced and said "why the FUCK do i have to respect you?").

3) I had to teach kids from the Bronx how to rap. Note: the only rap I'm familiar with is "Men in Black," which i mastered in the 7th grade on my karaoke machine, and Mike and Caroline's "Chocolate" rap.

4) After I taught them how to rap, I had to choreograph a rap. That was fun.

5) I witnessed a near shooting THREE times

6) They sell cinnamon rolls the size of my face for $1 in the Bronx.

7) I had either a large Diet Coke or a $1 icecream every day from McDonalds, because it was the ONLY way I could get through my day

8) One of my co-workers name was "Xi-u." She introduced herself as "hi! I'm She'an...but I spell it with an "X."

9) CORNBREAD. For those of you who don't know what that means, I'm sure you will be told at some point.

10) I have never felt so fulfilled in all of my life. I met the most amazing children and people and feel that I have been forever changed from my experience this summer.

Ellen. out.

My Being the First Response

Allow me, dear friends - I'll be the first to respond, AS USUAL. Tell me, do you all hate reading my blogs? I think you do. Do you? Oh god... I have this fear that you hate reading my blogs and also that you see how pathetic it is that I'm always first to respond. And now you're reading this and nodding you're heads and laughing, oh you're laughing!, and you're happy that I finally realize how much you hate my blogs.

But now you're not laughing, you're frowning and you're cocking your heads to the side because, alas, I continue to blog.

It's my duty, bitches. As first responder (and licensed doctor, need I remind you?), I offer here a medical report regarding our ailing blog:

Name: PHD-lite
Age: 1 yr
Condition: Comatose
Pulse: Once, sometimes Twice/week
Diagnosis: Multi-system failure
Treatment: More blogging!

Oh god, this is why you hate my blogs! Because I do cute things like this? It's totally annoying, right? Oh god... get serious, Mike! Law school! Logic games! Yes, logic games, Amy, are indeed my favorite! Yes! But I need to start doing them again - I took a brief hiatus to... watch TV and stuff. But, heretofore, henceworth and so on, I shall return to the law! An esquire I shall be!

Also, Amy, I would love to do a road-trip! Now, Memorial Day weekend is early in September, right? I really should be practicing then, though. And how would I get home again? I don't know. We need to figure this out. You know, I can't go. No, final answer. Well, who else is going? Can I phone a friend? Wait, no. No, final answer.

You know, Amy, you and I could just use this blog to pen-pal with each other. Would you like that? I realize that you usually address your blogs to everyone, and also that you seem to avoid any direct conversation with me (You made me #10 on your Top Ten and only wrote a few short sentences to me about some factory that I do not work at, which I thought I had cleared up in my previous blog. Throw me a bone here, Amy!)

As for the rest of you haters... I have nothing more to say. This is Doc, signing off. This visit, being a house call, cost you each a hundred dollars. I take personal checks, certified checks, money orders, cash, coins, chocolate and Trident original gum.

My entry is now over. Happy? ARE YOU HAPPY?!

Installment the 2nd

Hello Romans!  

Aka: slackers.

I'm not quite ready to let this blog die, so in an effort to engage all you deadbeats, I proudly present this week's top 10 list.

10.  Mike, how's NJ?  How's the factory; how are the child-laborers, and how much do you love LSAT logic games???  

9.  Katie, how's the U.S. Open treating you, and, while we're on the subject, have you heard Hadley's and my latest idea for the romantic movie event of our generation?  It's called "Ball Girl."  Once your restaurant gets up and running, I'll want you to invest.  Also, please see to it that Karen includes Edamame Dumplings on your menu.  

8.  Caroline, many thanks for the fantastic email.  I had half a mind to copy and paste that shit right here in the blogosphere.  How is the kid?  Francois?  Is he alive?  Is that his name?  Parlez vous Frances yet?  Where are you in the move from top to topless swimming?  Please keep us posted.

7.  Ellen, what's the status on my bed?  I told a certain acronymed-male to get in touch with you about picking it up.  I assume he has not.  Is my subletter still alive?  Is he maybe a vampire?  Also, what are the kiddies like in Queens?  Royal pains?  Get it??

6. Mychal, I gave you so much great stalking material.  Please respond accordingly.  I particularly would welcome your thoughts on the robot lawnmower.  

5.  Hadley, how'd you feel about Time Traveler's Wife?  Any thoughts you'd like to share?  Maybe you could also give us a recap of the last week you spent with a certain someone. And I don't mean Shoals.  ALSO, omg, I was talking to my favorite person in Company, and I found out that she knows another Hadley.  And her Hadley happens to be one of her closest friends.  AND, IT'S NOT YOU!

4. Amy, do you think this thinly veiled attempt to save the blog via a fake top 10 list is going to work?  

3.  All, do you realize if we found a friend whose name started with a P, we could form the phrase "CHAMP, K?"with the first letters of each of our name?  Let's start taking applications.

2.  All, does anyone have any interest in road-tripping down to athens with me over labor day weekend?  I have been assigned the task of driving my brother's car from boston to georgia--a 16 hour trip. Regardless, I will be in NYC on saturday.  I think we should do dinner.  EDAMAME DUMPLINGS.

1.  All, on a scale of 1 to 10 how lame is this list?  Please don't let it be the first thing we see when we come to phdlite for too long.

Overnout

A

My Being of the Opposite Sex

Me too, Amy, me too! I am SO glad I am not the only one to be rejected by Yeldah in bed! I thought this barrier thing had something to do with my being of the opposite sex and her being attracted to me. This, I thought, was the most probable explanation. Afterall, haven't you heard? I have pecs now. I work out. I'm lifting fifteens and riding on twenty-twos, on the real. I do not, I tell you, sew bloody dresses in some fuck factory in Jersey! (But listen to this coinky-dink: At age 5, I planned to become a dressmaker. But I gave that up in favor of becoming a barber. And that for becoming a jockey. I LOVED Thoroughbreds. Still do.)

I wish to conclude this resurrection by wishing everyone a Good Friday (get it?!) Go in peace.

THE BLOG IS BACK installment the first

Romans, friends...well, mainly just Romans,

With this new phdlite era, about which I could not be more pleased, I'd like to contribute a top 10 list from my recent trip to visit nyc, regarding specifically my observations and reflections on its prima-resident, yeldah.

10.  Yeldah greeted me in typically unpredictable form: by scaring the living bejesus out of me.   As I finished my 1 story commute via elevator (who needs stairs these days?) to the much less impressively named "2W"  (more like 2badit'snotphd), I looked up, jumped, and screamed all at the same time.  Why, you ask?  Instead of seeing a closed 2w door, I saw hadley (in the housedress she gave to me and then reclaimed).  Shocking.  I decided the only way to calm down was to down 3 glasses of wine and the assortment of refrigerator goods yeldah spread before me, including a 4 cheese quesadilla, ranier cherries, celery, hummus and an entire roast chicken.  I scare and hunger easily.  

9.  Following my feast, I decided to ditch Yeldah and 2W for another acronym, a friend of mine who goes by, well, an acronym.  I arrived back at 2W 3 hours and about 5 drinks later, and for reasons I don't fully comprehend even now in complete sobriety, I decided it was more respectful to stay the night on the couch, in my clothes.  Yeld, simultaneously (we found out later), in her sleep stupor, thought I was offended by the barrier* she had set up in the middle of her bed to safeguard her body from mine.  It was for this reason, she thought, that I had refused her body and her bed.  The barrier, as it turns out, caused more drama than it prevented over the course of the weekend. A few nights later, (according to yeld, who reminded me frequently throughout the next day) in my sleep, I crossed the barrier with my left foot and (gasp) made contact with yeldah's right lower leg!  

8.  Our plan for my first full day in new york involved (the following is a quote taken from yeldah's status update): "Brunches, puppies, open houses, movies, true bloods. And all with Amy!!!" What our day ultimately ended up including was a 2pm brunch, a movie, a 3 hour nap, and see 7.  I was too hungover and wooed by hadley's enormous bed to do much else.  The movie, by the way, was Julie and Julia, which despite being absolutely wonderful, was also embittering.  WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT DAMN IDEA TO COOK THROUGH A COOKBOOK AND BLOG ABOUT IT?  INSTEAD I AM HERE ON PHDLITE BLOGGING ABOUT A BLOG I WISH I HAD COME UP WITH.  

7.  Perhaps the event I most looked forward to of the entire trip was the Sunday 9pm airing of the latest installment in the 2nd greatest tv show on air (FNL, don't worry, you're still my number one), TRUE BLOOD.  I raced home from a dinner [way. up. town.] just in time to catch the episode, which hadley had dutifully dvred (I was, I admit, 15 minutes late).  Well, at about the 10 minute mark (just as things were getting unbearably good), the effing tv freezes.  Yeldah, my consummate host, had unintentionally stopped the recording process, so we were left hanging in frozen despair until the next airing of trueblood a whopping TWO HOURS LATER.

6.  The 11:30 airing of trueblood was amazing.

5.  The next evening, Yeldah and Helkat and I met each other for dinner at Buddakan, Yeldah's favorite restaurant in the city.  Yeldah really kicked off the evening with a bang by ordering a cocktail that incorporated equal parts strawberry and chipotle peppers! And perhaps even more surprising...alcohol!!   Yeldah took the reigns in guiding her new ponies (that's me and hellkat) in ordering.  Namely, she insisted we get the edamame dumplings.  More like EdaMAMA MIA dumplings.  They were pocket-full-of-heaven-sunshine-and-Yasmin-Reese delicious.  (A sidenote:  Yeldah, turns out I have been to Buddakan before!  In Atlantic City about 3 years ago.  At that establishment, the centerpiece is a huge (HUGE) golden buddah, and it was while eating dinner in his presence that I came up with my restaurant concept "Commune," a bread and wine bar featuring a big statue of Jesus.)  

4.  Then I played softball with John Stewart. 

3.  Yeldah and I also saw the movie, "The Orphan,"  which exceeded all of our expectations.  Yeldah, in true form, made us get to the theater 45 minutes early to avoid a sold-out audience.   Unbelievably, there were still seats available at the 2pm Monday showing**!!  Also of note was my major existential crisis about whether to buy popcorn or not.  

2.  Our Tuesday morning involved a double order of pancakes, and a post-pancake nap by hadley, while I watched Sandra Lee dump oatmeal packages on top of canned apples, a treat which she lovingly referred to as a "Betty."  The lady is crayzywithaycrazy.

1.  Maybe you've realized, like I have, that this top 10 list isn't a list; it's just a chronological account of my visit.  Bright young whippersnaps you all are.  Wanna cookie?  

0.  Yeldah also signed into my facebook account and went sandra-lee-style-crazy with a trueblood quiz, a status update and a wallpost.   I would direct you to the evidence on my wall, but I deleted that ridankadickness***.

-1.  I'm now on my way to youtube to learn how to dice an onion.  My soon-to-be-published cookbook, "Me and My Food: Cooking in Place of Friends"  is mere slices away from the presses...

OVER AND OUT, PHDLITE4EVA,

A

*A pillow.  

**There were 2 other people there.

***Yeldah's newest addition to her ever-growing arsenal of made-up words. 

IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

Friends, Romans,  ....well mainly just friends. 

I was about to remove this blog from my bookmarks, as it seems that the blog has truly ceased to exist in the past few months.  But THEN, I took a trip down memory lane and read some of our posts.  And I believe this blog is GOOD.  I also am surprised that we managed to blog so much to each other even though we saw each other numerous times a week.  

But now?  I see Katie for an hour after work like twice a week because she has sold her self (read: body) to the UP Open (read: US brothel), Mike is holed up in some factory in Jersey sewing until his fingers bleed all over the muslin dresses he fashions, Amy is around 11-yea-olds all day in the deep south and has replaced all other human contact with cooking, Mychal has been taken hostage by a clan of mountain people in the backwoods of Minnesota, Caroline has decided that she needs to be a clown and a nanny, the two of which only go hand-in-hand in the brassieres of Paris, I (Yeldah, folks) spend the majority of my time watching entire seasons of tv shows alone in my bed, and Ellen moved to Queens. 

WE HAVE MORE TO BLOG ABOUT NOW THAT EVER!!  

I think that as a last effort to save the friendships we forged four score and seven years ago, we should resurrect this blog, and GIVE THE POWER TO THE PEOPLE. 

The above task is easier said than done.  I have decided to establish a RULE.  You may not like that, but since I am the only one who cares enough about all of you to make this shit happen, you WILL comply.  

I want EVERY PERSON to post something on this blog ONCE A WEEK.  I know.  I know this seems a lot.  But you can post one sentence, one word!  One feeling!!  THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES. 

This is what it takes to maintain our friendships.  And to get a book deal (did you see Julie and Julia yet??  This is basically my new scheme to get famous).  But mainly the friendships. 

OK.  GO! WRITE! POST! MAKE ME PROUDDDDD!!

xoxo, Y