THE BLOG IS BACK installment the first

Romans, friends...well, mainly just Romans,

With this new phdlite era, about which I could not be more pleased, I'd like to contribute a top 10 list from my recent trip to visit nyc, regarding specifically my observations and reflections on its prima-resident, yeldah.

10.  Yeldah greeted me in typically unpredictable form: by scaring the living bejesus out of me.   As I finished my 1 story commute via elevator (who needs stairs these days?) to the much less impressively named "2W"  (more like 2badit'snotphd), I looked up, jumped, and screamed all at the same time.  Why, you ask?  Instead of seeing a closed 2w door, I saw hadley (in the housedress she gave to me and then reclaimed).  Shocking.  I decided the only way to calm down was to down 3 glasses of wine and the assortment of refrigerator goods yeldah spread before me, including a 4 cheese quesadilla, ranier cherries, celery, hummus and an entire roast chicken.  I scare and hunger easily.  

9.  Following my feast, I decided to ditch Yeldah and 2W for another acronym, a friend of mine who goes by, well, an acronym.  I arrived back at 2W 3 hours and about 5 drinks later, and for reasons I don't fully comprehend even now in complete sobriety, I decided it was more respectful to stay the night on the couch, in my clothes.  Yeld, simultaneously (we found out later), in her sleep stupor, thought I was offended by the barrier* she had set up in the middle of her bed to safeguard her body from mine.  It was for this reason, she thought, that I had refused her body and her bed.  The barrier, as it turns out, caused more drama than it prevented over the course of the weekend. A few nights later, (according to yeld, who reminded me frequently throughout the next day) in my sleep, I crossed the barrier with my left foot and (gasp) made contact with yeldah's right lower leg!  

8.  Our plan for my first full day in new york involved (the following is a quote taken from yeldah's status update): "Brunches, puppies, open houses, movies, true bloods. And all with Amy!!!" What our day ultimately ended up including was a 2pm brunch, a movie, a 3 hour nap, and see 7.  I was too hungover and wooed by hadley's enormous bed to do much else.  The movie, by the way, was Julie and Julia, which despite being absolutely wonderful, was also embittering.  WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT DAMN IDEA TO COOK THROUGH A COOKBOOK AND BLOG ABOUT IT?  INSTEAD I AM HERE ON PHDLITE BLOGGING ABOUT A BLOG I WISH I HAD COME UP WITH.  

7.  Perhaps the event I most looked forward to of the entire trip was the Sunday 9pm airing of the latest installment in the 2nd greatest tv show on air (FNL, don't worry, you're still my number one), TRUE BLOOD.  I raced home from a dinner [way. up. town.] just in time to catch the episode, which hadley had dutifully dvred (I was, I admit, 15 minutes late).  Well, at about the 10 minute mark (just as things were getting unbearably good), the effing tv freezes.  Yeldah, my consummate host, had unintentionally stopped the recording process, so we were left hanging in frozen despair until the next airing of trueblood a whopping TWO HOURS LATER.

6.  The 11:30 airing of trueblood was amazing.

5.  The next evening, Yeldah and Helkat and I met each other for dinner at Buddakan, Yeldah's favorite restaurant in the city.  Yeldah really kicked off the evening with a bang by ordering a cocktail that incorporated equal parts strawberry and chipotle peppers! And perhaps even more surprising...alcohol!!   Yeldah took the reigns in guiding her new ponies (that's me and hellkat) in ordering.  Namely, she insisted we get the edamame dumplings.  More like EdaMAMA MIA dumplings.  They were pocket-full-of-heaven-sunshine-and-Yasmin-Reese delicious.  (A sidenote:  Yeldah, turns out I have been to Buddakan before!  In Atlantic City about 3 years ago.  At that establishment, the centerpiece is a huge (HUGE) golden buddah, and it was while eating dinner in his presence that I came up with my restaurant concept "Commune," a bread and wine bar featuring a big statue of Jesus.)  

4.  Then I played softball with John Stewart. 

3.  Yeldah and I also saw the movie, "The Orphan,"  which exceeded all of our expectations.  Yeldah, in true form, made us get to the theater 45 minutes early to avoid a sold-out audience.   Unbelievably, there were still seats available at the 2pm Monday showing**!!  Also of note was my major existential crisis about whether to buy popcorn or not.  

2.  Our Tuesday morning involved a double order of pancakes, and a post-pancake nap by hadley, while I watched Sandra Lee dump oatmeal packages on top of canned apples, a treat which she lovingly referred to as a "Betty."  The lady is crayzywithaycrazy.

1.  Maybe you've realized, like I have, that this top 10 list isn't a list; it's just a chronological account of my visit.  Bright young whippersnaps you all are.  Wanna cookie?  

0.  Yeldah also signed into my facebook account and went sandra-lee-style-crazy with a trueblood quiz, a status update and a wallpost.   I would direct you to the evidence on my wall, but I deleted that ridankadickness***.

-1.  I'm now on my way to youtube to learn how to dice an onion.  My soon-to-be-published cookbook, "Me and My Food: Cooking in Place of Friends"  is mere slices away from the presses...

OVER AND OUT, PHDLITE4EVA,

A

*A pillow.  

**There were 2 other people there.

***Yeldah's newest addition to her ever-growing arsenal of made-up words. 

IT'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE

Friends, Romans,  ....well mainly just friends. 

I was about to remove this blog from my bookmarks, as it seems that the blog has truly ceased to exist in the past few months.  But THEN, I took a trip down memory lane and read some of our posts.  And I believe this blog is GOOD.  I also am surprised that we managed to blog so much to each other even though we saw each other numerous times a week.  

But now?  I see Katie for an hour after work like twice a week because she has sold her self (read: body) to the UP Open (read: US brothel), Mike is holed up in some factory in Jersey sewing until his fingers bleed all over the muslin dresses he fashions, Amy is around 11-yea-olds all day in the deep south and has replaced all other human contact with cooking, Mychal has been taken hostage by a clan of mountain people in the backwoods of Minnesota, Caroline has decided that she needs to be a clown and a nanny, the two of which only go hand-in-hand in the brassieres of Paris, I (Yeldah, folks) spend the majority of my time watching entire seasons of tv shows alone in my bed, and Ellen moved to Queens. 

WE HAVE MORE TO BLOG ABOUT NOW THAT EVER!!  

I think that as a last effort to save the friendships we forged four score and seven years ago, we should resurrect this blog, and GIVE THE POWER TO THE PEOPLE. 

The above task is easier said than done.  I have decided to establish a RULE.  You may not like that, but since I am the only one who cares enough about all of you to make this shit happen, you WILL comply.  

I want EVERY PERSON to post something on this blog ONCE A WEEK.  I know.  I know this seems a lot.  But you can post one sentence, one word!  One feeling!!  THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES. 

This is what it takes to maintain our friendships.  And to get a book deal (did you see Julie and Julia yet??  This is basically my new scheme to get famous).  But mainly the friendships. 

OK.  GO! WRITE! POST! MAKE ME PROUDDDDD!!

xoxo, Y

Smaller, Tougher and Even Easier to Use!

http://www.sensotran.com/ENGLISH/Biosystems/phdlite.htm

who knew?!

I wanted to post a blog about Jason Mesfuck...


...but I'm still too pissed.


All I can say is, Mesfuck puts Jhud to shame in the deceit department.

The Battle of the hudson Rages on...

RIP my ASS. 

That doesn't look right. 

Anyway. 

I know you all have made note of my (perhaps poorly-timed) entry cataloging some of Singer jennifer hudson's (I know that technically it's a proper noun, but I can't bring myself to capitalize it.  Sue me.) many, many flaws.  I will say right off that a few of my examples were low-blows.  For instance, stating hudson's work record at the local Burger King (note the capitals) was almost certainly beneath me.  For these remarks I do not apologize.  

 

I would like to call your attention back to the section about ms. hudson that proves her incapacity to tell the truth, perhaps my more solid material.  Above all else, her ability to brazenly tell lies wherever she goes worries me so much I have trouble sleeping at night.  I picture her spouting falsities until five or six in the morning, unable to ignore the cacophonous outpouring of her deceit.  I was trying to move on.  To forgive her infidelities.  But then I came across the following article:

Academy Award winning actress (gag) Jennifer Hudson has turned down a $3,000,000 role in a Warner Bros. Film because of a nude scene.  Ready for the twist?  She's not even the one getting naked!

The Dreamgirls star says that she WILL NEVER APPEAR IN A FILM THAT HAS NUDITY (I decided to capitalize that part for simplification later) because she is a role model to young black women.  

This article is dated March 1st, 2007.  The Sex and the City Movie, filled with nudity of all varieties,  was released May 30th, 2008.  She thinks the passage of time makes it ok to LIE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?!

Oh, excuse me.  I forgot.  Not ALL American people.  She only wants to be a role model to young black women.  So any white girls aspiring to this rank pillar of falsehood, guess again!!  You're not welcome here!!  And to those middle aged men everywhere, jenhud will NOT sing for you.  

I can't believe I caught her so easily, once again deceiving everyone around her.  Turning down millions of dollars to feign moral high-priestessness, uncaring about the people she has hurt and the reputation that is doomed to disintegrate (though, surprisingly, this is yet to happen).

If I didn't convince you before (*cough* DOC *cough*), don't even try to tell me you don't believe it now.  jennifer hudson is a FRAUD.  And no fraud should be famous.  Just ask former President Clinton.  

I wish I could impeach jennifer hudson. 

OUT

yeldah  

RIP

I think the blog has died...

I'M BACK

I'M BACK AND YES, I MISSED YOU TOO.

This is the start of my new life, post-college! I am presently drinking some flat champagne and mopping the apartment floors... Now if I ain't livin' on a prayer...